Wednesday, April 24, 2013


JustGiveMeOneMoreChance LLC. is looking for talented engineers and programmers to bring a revolutionary product to market. The exact nature of the product must be kept a secret until certain legal matters are settled.

Engineering applicants should have a strong background with UAVs; quadcopters in particular. Programmers will need experience with video tracking, persistent surveillance, face recognition, and autonomous navigation.

If you are reading this, Sarah, I can prove to you that we can be happy together. And until you change your mind, I'll be watching you.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


MemeMerch LLC. is seeking Big Data specialists and Machine Learning experts to automate the creation of our merchandise lines. By analyzing trending topics and consumer behavior we will be able to predict new Memes and be ready with t-shirts, mugs and other consumer goods plastered images of a Pop-Tart cat that has a rainbow shooting out of its posterior (hey, we don't make the Memes; we just predict them).

So if you are one of the handful of researches at the top of these fields, MemeMerch wants you! And be honest, what else are you going to do with your skills? Let's print Rage Comics on tote bags!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

ShruteBucks Financials

You: An entrepreneurial company looking for a quick ROI on a short term summer project. The project doesn't matter: you just need to put together a respectable looking team for long enough to dupe some venture capitalists.

The Problem: You can't hire employees because nobody is falling for your equity offers like they were ten years ago. Even college students have caught on to the internship scam and are demanding monetary compensation for their work.

The Solution: ShruteBucks Financials provides custom currencies so that you can pay your employees with real* money. Based off of digital currencies such as Bitcoin and MintChip, our tailor-built currencies have all the features that you have come to expect in currencies, such as buying power and inflation. But more importantly, we offer new currency features such as our patent-pending "temporally triggered devaluation" which allows your companies currency's value to drop faster (at a time of your choosing) than a Social Media company's stock after an IPO.

* It is possible, at least in theory, that your company's currency will have actual value.
See above

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Category: High Production Value Dramatic Action Series With Lots of Sex

We know how people really like to watch TV shows. The networks may think that people like to get a short one hour snippet doled out once a week, but we know the truth. And now we deliver it.

Sign up for BacchusFlix home delivery service, and we will send you a package of everything you need to enjoy your favorite shows. Each package contains ALL of the episodes of the show you select, plus enough beer, pizza, Cheez-Its, doughnuts, and ice-cream to ensure that you do not even have to leave your living room. And the best part: when you are done, just return the show and we will automatically send you the next in your queue!

In an effort to extend our control of the free time of our customers, BacchusFlix is launching our second competition to improve our recommendation system. To ensure that the competition works this time around, we regretfully will not be able to offer membership services to any of the registered teams.