Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Players Wanted

Gamification is a growing industry, but it is struggling. Many upstarts are finding it difficult to apply point systems to real life situations. While competition is motivational, applying it to tasks such as “daily hygiene” or “conversation” is not a simple job. In fact, many programmers have become discouraged, and have given up on gamifying every aspect of our lives.

Which is why we need people like you to add incentives to the process of gamification. By providing users with milestones, digital trinkets, and the illusion of competition we can foster a community of gamification-nauts!

Experience in D&D or WoW is suggested (or any game in which players are motivated to forgo sleep in order to gain meaningless “experience points”). Join Gamification Worldwide, and grind with us!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Developers Desired

Looking for hip, fresh new talent to lay the foundation for an online community of user generated content. This is more than just free web-hosting: this is a metropolis of sites organized into boroughs of interest. You will provide the tools that our internet citizens will need to create awesome sites that reflect their sophistication and intelligence.

We are fairly certain that our service will be in demand for decades to come, so join now get in on the ground floor.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Programmers Wanted

Have you ever looked at a photo and said to yourself, “This photo looks too good?” Do you sometimes wish that the photos that you take could broadcast the fact that you are a hipster douchebag? Does platform exclusivity make you feel warm and fuzzy inside?

We are in the process of developing a “Professional” photographer suite that runs on a myriad of mobile platforms, such as iOS 2, 3, and 5. Said platform will allow everyday users to act as if they have some photo editing skills, such as adding sepia and black and white filters, or lens flares. And of course this discards the original photos. Who would want to keep that horrid looking thing anyway? You just created art!

We are looking for programmers who have experience in some obscure languages which you probably haven’t heard of, such as Malbolge, Arcode Fire, and Piet. Applicants who possess the ability to locate an unoccupied coffee shop within a 25 block radius, for use as our daily office, are also desired. Compensation will be proportional to the size of the rims of your lens-less glasses, and hinges on how much Zuckerberg is willing to pay.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Email redacted. It was something along the lines of “adjective + crustacean.”