Wednesday, October 31, 2012


Our company, Blogs-2-Books, is dedicated to facilitating the streamlining of content migration between blogs and printed media. Our flagship product, Blog-2-Book, is now 90% complete: it has been approved by our board and the design is completely fleshed out. Only the implementation remains, and as such we are looking to hire one part-time programmer to code up our amazing idea.

Blog-2-Book will give bloggers an automated way to turn their blog into a self-published book by simply downloading all of their posts, stripping out any comments, and reformatting into a book layout. Users will also have the option to then replace all previous blog posts with links to purchase their book. All future posts (if there are any) will automatically have advertisements for their book inserted.

Programmers must have experience with computers and The Internets and stuff. Expected hours are about 10 per week for up to 2 months. Compensation is negotiable, in the range of $5.50 to $7.25 per hour, based on experience and local minimum wage laws.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

.gif Industry Fashions!

The Internet has produced two of the most popular entities of the past century: The animated gif, and the novelty T-Shirt.  Everyone remembers the first cat gif they saw, and everyone has their favorite t-shirt shopping website.  Unfortunately, no one has been able to combine these two passions.

No one has been able to, that is, until now.  We are proud to introduce .gif Industry Fashions(.gIF)!  Now you can proudly display your favorite animated gif on a customized t-shirt of your choosing.  Using our novel "shutter-shade" approach, your friends need only don the empowering headwear, and take a brisk jog past your t-shirt!

We here at .gIF are looking for computer scientists with at least 10 years experience in data compression, so we can fit longer gifs on each t-shirt.  We are creating prototypes of long sleeved t-shirts, which you can utilize in your work.  We are also looking for graphic designers and psychologist to assist in surreptitious ad placement in the animated T-shirts.  Applicants should submit their resumes in the form of an animated gif.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Facebook App Developers Liked

Narrow World Views Inc. is looking for veteran Facebook App developers as we expand our stable of social media viewscape adapters. Applicants should have 20 years of experience developing for Facebook or similar platforms, at least a master's degree in computer science, and a minimum of 5000 friends.

Our company is dedicated to providing its customers with a calm and relaxing social media experience, and to this end we have crafted an array of applications that allow users to automatically filter out anything that may conflict with their world view (thus causing cognitive dissonance and critical thought). Our unique application first builds a profile of the user by examining their browser history, which reveals what type of information the user already selectively seeks out or ignores. The profile is then used to select customizable filters that block any offending content from the user's newsfeed and timeline.

Example filters include: Republican, Democrat, Birther, Vegan, Baby Hater, Socialist, Ayn Rand, Hipster (nothing with more than 10 likes; too popular), Farmvile Request, Your Mother's Posts, Txt Spk, Grammar Nazi; Young People, Old People, Chain Posts, and the entirety of Facebook. Each filter is guaranteed to make sure that the associated content never makes it to your screen.

So join Narrow World Views Inc. today: We make a challenging world simple again*.

*The world never was simple, but we make it look like a 50's sitcom.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Future of Computing

We are on the verge of amazing breakthroughs in the field of mathematics and computation! And our company, GWC, is in need of solid state physicists, bio-medical engineers, and a talented instruction encoders.

What is an instruction encoder? Our new invention is so revolutionary that it necessitates an entirely new profession. What does it take to be an instruction encoder? An understanding of mathematics is a must, and moxie is a plus! What will you be asked to do? You will work directly with our new invention, making it perform amazing feats of computation!

We can not reveal to much about what we are call our Procedural Resolution Sequencing System. The fundamentals of the machine are well grounded in scientific literature, but required advancements for its implementation are just now being realized. Now out team faces the biggest challenge: reducing the size of the components. The fundamental component is a "door" of sorts, that controls the flow of bioinfotrons (yet another amazing invention from GWC, short for biological information automaton). As bioinfotrons make their way through tracks controlled by these doors, simple computations can be preformed. We are convinced that, once the sizes have been reduced enough, we will be able to combine hundreds, nay, thousands of these doors and have bioinfotrons cycle through them multiple times a minute!

At GWC, our focus is always on the horizon. Right now, the Procedural Resolution Sequencing System must be configured to perform a specific type of task, a major drawback. However, we believe that within the next twenty years, we will be able to build a General Purpose Procedural Resolution Sequencing System: one that can handle a variety of workloads with minimal reconfiguration. Our top scientist, Dr. Tlan Auring, has demonstrated that it is theoretically possible to create a Procedural Resolution Sequencing System that can emulate all other possible Procedural Resolution Sequencing Systems!

* GWC (Global Work Contraptions) has partnered with researchers from Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences, Kobe University; and the Unconventional Computing Centre, University of the West of England.
Media coverage of research:
Publication in Complex Systems:

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Exciting New Collaboration

The makers of Flashlight App have teamed up with cloud technology specialists for an invigorating new project: CloudVD++.

By cloudifying virus detection computer contrivances, out synergistic collaboration of top industry experts will herald a new age of computer data sanitation services. Users will be able to scan their hard disks without impacting CPU performance by uploading all of their files to our secure (backed by our Secure Data Transmit++ technology) servers. Our servers will then scan the files for any possible viruses, and repair any affected files before seamlessly sending the files back to the user.

Our established team of virus writers analysts is looking to augment its ranks in preparation for this lucrative endeavor. Specifically, they are looking for programmers with experience in data mining that have no criminal record.

Help us protect the world's computers from viruses with CloudVD++ today!