Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Alienation Experts Wanted

Piracy is the newest four letter word around the offices of Digital Expressionists (DE). Just because we “stifle innovation” by releasing the same game every year doesn't justify the lost revenue from piracy of our “recycled” games. Unfortunately, our recent attempts to thwart such inconceivable attacks to our way of life have been met with heavy backlash. We are looking for software and hardware design experts to assist in our quest to truly put an end to piracy, one legitimate customer at a time.

Our recent attempts, requiring a constant internet connection to play a single player game, has led to large outcry from our customers. Who cares that people in the middle of South Dakota don’t have a reliable internet connection? Neither do the pirates in the South Pacific, but they still are somehow able to play our software from the middle of the ocean.

Our newest theory is to include a hardware dongle with each copy of our newest game, Jennifer Jones Curling ‘13. This dongle will be required to play the game, and will also not allow the game to be played if the salt content of the air exceeds some threshold. That should stop those dirty pirates from being able to steal our games!

For those of you who like curling, you might want to move away from beaches.  Not that Canadian beaches actually exist.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

New Project Gutenburg

Decades Olde Technology is assembling a team of developers and engineers to build a computer printer that actually god-damn works like it's supposed to.

No DVD of "helpful" software. No expiring ink cartridges. And the ink cartridges will be refillable. No 20 minute start up times. No test pages with giant pictures that use all of your color ink. And if a color ink cartridge is empty, you can still print in black and white. No more "quality black and white" setting that uses color ink. That doesn't even make since. And if the thing has a scanner, the scanner will be usable even when the printer is out of ink.

Seriously, it can't be that hard.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

News When It's Ready

Actual Journalists United is working on a new news platform for old news. Our intent is to break out of the 24-hour news cycle, in which nothing is news unless it is new and old news is forgotten as new news is the only news that gets views.

All news stories will be published a minimum of one week after the story breaks, which will allow for sufficient time to research the story, gather facts, interview involved parties, seek input from relevant experts, and investigate societal factors. This will result in fair and thorough pieces that are designed to inform the audience. After all necessary "Journalism" has been completed, and only then, will the news story be published.

This is not a job posting, but an investigative prototype intended to further our research on how to advertise for our openings, when we are ready.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Project Specialists Wanted

Absolutely Not Students (ANS) industries has several fast approaching deadlines for multiple projects, and are looking for additional help in completing their tasks.  They are willing to pay top dollar for temporary work in completing the projects, with additional compensation dispensed for high marks praise from their professors supervisors.

Are you familiar with the following algorithms/technologies?  If so, contact for more details.

  • Python and/or Java
  • File I/O
  • Linear data structures such as Lists or Arrays
  • Bubble, Selection, and Insertion sorts
  • Asymptotic Analysis
  • Recursive solutions for Sierpinski’s Gasket and the Koch Snowflake
  • Recursive data structures, such as linked lists or trees
  • Fibonacci sequence