Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Voice Controlled Internet Protocol

Our venture capital firm, Four Guys That Haven't Even Graduated Business School Yet, is ready to enter the prototyping phase of a revolutionary network protocol that leverages recent advances in speech recognition with existing, under-utilized infrastructure.

One of our members was an engineering student for almost a whole semester, and he is like 95.7% sure that this is a great idea. You see, the existing phone network was designed for analog communications, but the internet is all digital. This is why AOL was so slow. But the phone system is really good at carrying voice. Today, advanced programs like Siri can easily decode voice to talk to computers! Ka-Ching! No need to lay new cables for broadband internet; our technology lets users simply use the phone lines they already have with their iPhones.

We are looking for talented engineers to implement this great idea. Our venture capital firm is still in the process of raising funds, so initial compensation will be limited. However, applicants will have the opportunity to work directly with the company's CEOs, CFOs, VPs, and Treasurer.

Make it Rain!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What You Pay For

The following is an actual job posting from a university's job board. We have highlighted the more interesting bits (and redacted any identifying information). It was posted in the spring of 2012.

This is a screenshot of the website, as of September 2012. Apparently any applicant that was qualified enough to work for them for free, was also qualified enough to get a paying gig.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

2016 Election Web 27.0 Mash-Up Artists Wanted

Our start-up, Politics-Yo!, is working hard to get a jump on the 2016 presidential elections. Our industry-wide respected analysts have predicted that Web 27.0 will be the deciding factor in the election between Ayn Rand and Karl Marx.

We are now in the process of hiring the fresh, hip talent needed to put it all together. Our research shows that people are looking for even more ways to alienate their friends and family through social media based campaign propaganda. Political status updates, re-tweets from the candidates, re-blogs from The Puffington Host, impromptu hashtag polls, that is all too 2012. How about Google Glass Contacts Projection Marketing thrown together with eyePhone 7gs4sRedux Politico App? How about Telepathy Blogging your reactions to Special Interest Mind Bullets about the Space Debates? Get on our level!

Applicants will need to be down with all of the reverse-retro internet technologies, including those that won't be invented until at least 2015. Skillz with dropping the (political) base, twattering the platform, and wubbing the vote also desired.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Looking for Readers

Our think tank, Great Minds Think A-Awesome, has identified an untapped market in lackadaisical enabling reading resources. We are now moving into stage 23.b.5, having successfully raised the venture capital needed to implement a prototype of our service.

We are now in the process of looking for talented individuals to bring our world-crushingly amazing idea to fruition. Applicants should have experience in programming and design. And you better be good. The only conceivable way our venture will fail is if the developers suck.

Without a signed NDA, all that we can reveal about the project is that it involves crowd-sourcing the reading of books. Each year, millions of students are forced to read the same classic works of literature. Our service will let each student read a small part, and then compile the summaries into a much shorter book. The process can then be recursively iterated with our patent pending technology until the final summary is only a page long.

We have applied a pre-alpha prototype to this advertisement as an example:
The our of.