Wednesday, February 27, 2013


SMRT Inc. is working on technology to make Cloud technology and services available to previously untapped markets. As such, Super Mercurial Realized Technologies is currently looking for dynamic computer scientists and engineers to tackle these difficult but rewarding challenges.

As Cloud services proliferate, the need for high-bandwidth Internet access is overwhelming our current infrastructure, and research[1] shows that this problem will only worsen. The problem will be compounded by increased competition for airwaves and an associated increase in prices.

As such, SMRT is developing what we are calling a "Personal Cloud Cluster" which places the conveniences of the Cloud in our customer's home, car, or office. Instead of connecting to the Cloud through high-cost networks such as 4g or hunting for Wifi networks, users simply connect to their own cloud server. The Personal Cloud Cluster has a small form factor and is battery powered, so the customer can carry it with them. The Cloud can now be where ever you take it! Simply power it up, and connect any of your laptop, phone, tablet or PC to your very own Cloud! Remember, the Personal Cloud Cluster is the Cloud, so no Internet connection is required!

[1] A Fauxname, C Maidup and W Notexists, "Who Actually Checks the Bibliography", Presented at Your Mom's House, Jan 2013

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Graders Wanted

Simulated Instructors Inc. is looking for developers to generate an automatic grading application for college level computer science courses. Our product will target the growing "Tenured Professors Phoning It In" demographic, which our market analysis shows to be willing to adopt any effort saving technology.

Algorithms should faithfully simulate a human grader:

  • Insert vague, unhelpful comments for perfectly working blocks of code
  • Identify problem locations in code, but provide no feedback as to why they are incorrect
  • Ignore any comments the students include with their code
  • Enforce arbitrary coding standards that each instructor can personally specify, so that each semester the students have to learn new coding standards

The system as a whole should implement an exponential back-off scheme for returning grades to students. A linear back-off, or worse yet timely returning of grades, would be a blatant indication that the Professors are no longer doing their own grading.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


One hundred and forty characters? TL;DR
Six seconds of video? *Yawn* Sorry, I feel asleep there.

The world moves faster than that. And we understand that, here at BeyondLightSpeed llc. And we are looking for developers who are even faster. We are developing a newer, faster social networking platform that is based on a technology as simple as text, but more information dense. And we need you to build it yesterday. Here is a small taste of the future:


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Are you NP-Hard Enough?

Coming this fall to Faux Reality Television, 10 programmers from various backgrounds will meet for the first time.  Locked in a room, the only way out is to devise a program that will compute the password to open the door.

Each week, hints will be given for algorithms and data-structures needed to generate the password.  The one programmer who has committed the least amount of code to the SVN repository will be flagged as garbage, and will be collected before the next weeks activities.

See the heated debates of documentation strategies.  Hear the muttered obscenities of a functional programmer forced to write C code for the first time in 15 years.  Laugh as the academic tries to get the entire team to formally prove their algorithms will always produce correct outputs.  Witness the near-blows confrontation over using emacs vs. vi.

In the end, one programmer will be left sitting near motionless in front of their computer monitor.  They will claim the top prize: A job at Nanoware in the Quality Assurance department, and the title Passable Programmer.

Attention Programmers: Passable Programmer Tryouts are being held in your area.  Show off your social incompetence by still submitting your application electronically!